This is my window (or as my Midwestern mama says, 'windah') that I slid open, stepped onto the patio roof from and swiftly slid across and flew from. Today as I was sitting on my bed contemplating, meditating and praying I glanced out of this window. The first thing I saw was this beautiful tree with its bright shiny green leaves swaying in the breeze as the morning sun shone through. As I thought about my impending surgery and getting on with the rest of my life I used the tree as a metaphor. I seem to communicate with myself in metaphor to find meaning in even the most seemingly insignificant things around me. The tree, on first glance, was put there for its beauty. It makes me feel good to look out my window and see that tree. The other bedroom window shows off another gorgeous tree. Sometimes I imagine that I live in a tree house. It reminds me of a house we lived in at 313 E. Harrison St. Eureka, Illinois. My bedroom had 7 windows that wrapped around the room. They were the old fashioned kind that dropped down into the wall when you wanted some fresh air. I used to sit on my bed there and contemplate life as well. Then I was an adolescent and my problems, which seemed so insurmountable, seem so easy compared to now.
As I thought more about my present day tree, I realized that hidden within its leaves and branches were many very important utilitarian features. The first one that came to mind was that whole photosynthesis thing. I love oxygen and I love to breathe so I am grateful for all that biology going on right before my eyes. There are also many families who call that tree home. There are always birds flying around it and countless babies have been born there and subsequently pushed out of their nest into the real world, just like I was pushed out of my 7 window bedroom (not literally...)into my reality. And, how about all the bugs and other critters that inhabit my tree? I don't like to go too deep on critters and bugs but I just know that they're there, somewhere. The shade that comes in the summer is worth that tree's weight in gold. The blistering summers in Fresno would be impossible to live through with without shade. When our kids were little, the trees around our house provided endless fun when they were used as base, forts, or just for climbing around.
There's another part of this picture that fits into my picture of making something of my life. The roof over the patio is obvious (the brown roof just outside the window). This is almost exactly where the accident happened. It's been just over 5 months now since I opened that window for the last time. That event has changed forever my path in my life. It may sound melodramatic, but it has. As I think back on all the huge decisions that have been made and all the emotional and physical ramifications of that day it makes me antsy to get out of this 'sick mode' and be well again. When something like that happens, at first it is somewhat of a novelty. You lay in bed drugged out with pain killers and people bring you food and anything else you want. People come over and call all the time and you get flowers and cards, too. And the food! Church lady food starts filling the fridge with unbelievably good grub. But that's all fading now. Life has gone on and other people are in trouble so much of the good will that was once pointed in my direction is now tending to someone who is more needy. That's probably a good thing. Otherwise no one would ever want to get well.
I want my life to mean something. Even if I'm 58 years old, I think I can contribute. I know that God still looks at me as part of his team. He has things for me to do. I have things that he has entrusted me with and I need to continue on. My prayer today was that he would show me ways that I can be useful; ways that I can reach out to others and in a small way make the world a better place. In my time with God this morning he showed me, through a window, my life. I can stand tall and look good--just like the tree but if you look deeper, there is so much potential, just like the tree to reach out my arms/branches and serve those around me. I can see where I've been--the roof--and make plans to avoid such interruptions to my life. I can be thankful for everything I have learned these past 5 months and how much I appreciate my family and friends. God has shown me the best in people as they have ministered to me.
I'm going to keep looking though that windah and think of my future and how much of a blessing it will be to be able to walk and drive and go places and also how much of a blessing it has been to be ministered to. I will get through these next few weeks with that as my goal--to be able to be what God has made me to be.