Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Today I'm trying to put in some productive time.  It's occurring to me that this is more like the life that I want.  Busy, but not overwhelmed.  Well, I am probably overwhelmed but it will pass.  I'm getting ready to start a support group at church for people with debilitating illnesses.  The further into planning that I get, the more I realize needs to be done.  The list is growing.  It's kind of like having a chronic illness.  It starts with one thing, then you take medicine for that, then you get side effects from the medication, so you have to do something about that.  And on it goes.  Everything piles up and before you know it there's more than you can handle.  That's why I tend to cocoon when I'm feeling really bad.  I can't do one more thing, even talk to people.  It takes a lot of energy to be sociable.  I'm remembering that now as I'm getting out more.  But somehow it feels right.  This is what I prayed for and so I'm going to be faithful and let God work in me.  When I get tired, I'll rest--that's not too difficult, even for me!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Bursting at the Seams

I wonder how many times I've made a blog entry in my head that didn't get tapped out on my keyboard?  Many, many times.  I do that--think of stuff in my head that doesn't make it's way out into the public.  This is part of my discipline, of my new life.  I want to consistently journal so I can see where I've been and where I'm going.  

This summer has been incredible.  After so long in seclusion, I'm bursting at the seams and God is keeping up!  I prayed for a ministry during a time last spring when I was feeling particularly useless.  I was focusing on myself and my little world so much that I had lost touch with many people.  I especially grieved for my lack of giving back to the world.  I wondered how long I would vegetate before I either rotted away or found something meaningful to do.  That meaning has come in the form of beginning a support group for people with debilitating illnesses--anything from cancer to chronic fatigue to fibromyalgia to chronic back pain and on and on.  People with chronic illnesses often don't have a voice.  They spend all their time and energy on getting better and/or staying alive and kind of fade into the woodwork.  What we plan to do is bring these people together, not to sit and complain and vie for the top honor of being the most pathetic, but to encourage each other.  Along with all the ramifications of chronic and debilitating illness comes a sickness that's not so easy to identify--we tend to lose faith either in God or ourselves or both.  There are days when it seems that there is no end in sight.  God seems to be putting us on hold without the cheesey music.  There is just NOTHING and there's nothing to fill that void.  That's where we need each other.  We have to be there for someone when they can't be there for themselves.