On The Move in Toulouse

Carolyn opening the gate to Nancy's apartment

 I finally got a picture of Nancy's door into her courtyard.  This blocks out all the traffic and city noises.  Last night we met there for dinner.  Our cousins, John and Alice, from Canada arrived yesterday and we all met at Nancy's for a meal and lots of catching up.  Alice's mom was my mom's older sister who lived in Indiana.  We would see them quite a bit either in Indiana or my home in Illinois.  I have very fond memories of Christmases, Thanksgivings and other big family gatherings when all of my aunts, uncles and cousins would get together.  The adults would play cards until all hours of the night and I was allowed to stay up late.  I loved hearing them laugh and joke as they played. Alice and her sister were close in age to my sisters so I was always the little girl getting into everyone's business.  I loved hanging out with the "older kids" and they tolerated me quite well.  John reminded me that on one occasion he and Alice were visiting at my house and I was heavily into Beatlemania.  They bought me the Beatles LP Rubber Soul.  Unfortunately I had forgotten that they gave it to me but I still have it--I will put a note on it so I never forget that gift!  I still love listening to those songs.

Friday night dinner

We supped on cold beet borscht--an old German/Mennonite recipe and some wonderful French baguettes and French wine.  Seriously, can it get much better than that?? 

Yesterday we went on a long walk and I was TIRED!  We took the Metro, transferred to a bus and then walked quite a way to get to the canal.  The canal was built many, many years ago as a way to take goods from the Mediterranean Sea to the Atlantic Ocean while bypassing Spain.  There is a wonderful restaurant right by the canal where we had lunch. 

French Signs

 My legs are working just fine as long as I go slow and stop often.  I'm seeing the worm's eye view of Toulouse because my eyes are on the ground a lot looking for flat places to walk. On the walking part of our trip we saw some great French scenery.  In the background is a large sports complex on the outskirts of town.

Beautiful French Country Road

Restaurant by the Canal

Carolyn, my cane and me

Tree-lined road along the canal

 This walk was so delightful but we were 

quite sweaty by the time we got to the Metro. 

 Imagine a crowded Metro on a Friday afternoon on a hot (90 degrees) afternoon.  The cacophony of odors was almost unbearable but there was no place to go.  The rule is that able-bodied folks have to give their seat to the elderly and disabled so the three of us usually get seats but I'd almost rather stand than have a man's sweaty armpit in my nose.  Fortunately it makes frequent stops and the population of the car changes now and then.  I was never so happy to see daylight in my life. We went straight home, took a shower and a loooong nap!    

 Cobblestones and canes don't get along very well.  The streets are narrow, and the sidewalks are often one-lane only.  Today, Saturday afternoon, the sidewalks were full of people.  There were some college students parading through the square in their white lab coats chanting something and having a lot of fun.  I didn't get a picture of that because I was walking by myself from the apartment to a restaurant to meet my sisters.  I had to concentrate on where I was going--the tiny streets seem to go off into every direction and if you're not an assertive pedestrian you're likely to get clipped by a car.  The nice thing is that the pedestrians truly do have the right of way but the vehicles assume they're in charge until they see the whites of your eyes.  I actually saw two bike vs car accidents in the exact same location today less than an hour apart.  Walker and rider BEWARE!

Yes, we are eating again.  This time we are seated in the courtyard of the former home of the creator of Indigo dye.  The museum attached is actually the place where it was made from a process which makes a certain type of green and yellow flowers into a beautiful dye.  There is a store close-by that sells fabric, clothing, jewelry and much more colored with this indigo dye.  We plan on doing some shopping there next week.  And more shopping is on the schedule as well.  I may not go into detail about all the places we go!

Our view from our dining table

This was my lunch--a tuna steak with some kind of wonderful sauce, rice and lettuce salad.  I guess if I'm going to take pictures of all the food I eat I should at least get the name of the delectable dishes.  Next time I will. (For some reason the picture is upside-down and I can't figure out how to rotate it.  You may have to stand up and peer down your monitor or turn your laptop upside down to get the full effect.)

One more slightly embarrassing photo (below).  We are eating again BUT this is actually dessert from our earlier lunch.  We made that our evening meal so it doesn't seem like quite the indulgence, right?  

 

AU REVOIR!

What Time Is It Anyway???

Amsterdam Airport

We left from Indianapolis on Tuesday, September 4 at 5:00 pm which is 2:00 pm California time.   After a hot meal on the plane (really)we slept for a few hours. They passed out hand wipes at about 1:30 am (I think that was Indiana time) and we had breakfast at about 2:00 am (which I think would be 5 pm the day before California time) with the sun shining into the plane windows.  We then arrived in Amsterdam at 8:00 am (European time) for a 3 hour layover then flew the 2 hours to Toulouse and arrived in Toulouse at 1:20 pm (Toulouse time) on Wednesday, September 5. Does this make sense to anybody??  It was almost as confusing to write as it was to live through.  I'm not sure I have all those times right but you get the picture--I hope. Nancy was at the airport to welcome us.  The mild 80ish temperature was also quite welcoming.

Toulouse is about as big as Fresno which surprised me.  From the pics my sister sent me it looked like a tiny out-of-the-way village.  That's because her apartment faces an enclosed courtyard that blocks out all the traffic and it feels like an old world French village.  Way cool!  Here's mes soeurs on the terrace of Nancy's home. I was going to take pics of the outside but just as I got there my camera died.  More pics for later!  We have had some really great meals at her house and, of course, some yummy desserts.  Why do the French eat so well but still look so svelte? I'm trying not to eat too much. We are doing a LOT of walking to make up for all these good meals we're eating.


Today (Thursday) we took a little train around the city of Toulouse.  It was very "touritsy" but also very informative.  They handed out English translations of the narrative but I didn't want to have my head down reading so I just listened to the French, not recognizing many words.  There are many historic buildings.  The one to the left of the tram is the local government offices (also see below) with an Opera building and hotel behind the tram.  The blank area is a city center where festivals and markets take place.

Government Building

Toulouse is big but has a lot of small pockets that look very villagey with lots of shops, bakeries, delis, bookstores, art galleries, restaurants and coffee shops with the requisite sidewalk cafe flavor. 

 Em's Next Place of Employment?

 Here's a picture of a local Pharmacie.  That's not me in front, but I had to take this one as a shout out to my daughter.  "Hey Emilie--maybe you could get a job in one of these!"

Do we look like we're happy to be together?  We are!

After the tour we went to "The Florida" for some cafe creme which was one of the reasons I wanted to go back to France.  Another was for the baguettes.  The sandwich with frommage, jambon, buerre and baguette (ham and cheese with butter on a baguette) is definitely my very favorite.  I've already had one plus baguettes with every supper at Nancy's.  I really do have to do a lot more walking!
This picture of Nancy and me sums up the day pretty well.   This is "The Florida".  We sat and watched people and vehicles go by as we sipped out hot, wonderful coffee--which was served my favorite way: in white ceramic cups with saucers.  I felt very French.  What a great day!

Tomorrow and Saturday we will be with our cousins from Canada who are traveling in France as well.  They wanted to visit Nancy and will get three sisters for the price of one. We are looking forward to that!

I have to quit because I'm making mistakes.  It could be that it's because it's not 12:30 am (Toulouse time) which would be 3:30 pm yesterday in California or 6:30 pm yesterday in Indiana or 11:30 yesterday in Edinburgh, Scotland or 2:30 am in Moscow or maybe 12:30 pm next Tuesday in Honolulu.......help.

Au revoir

As I sit in my sister's house watching the Giants beat the Cubs, this is my view.  Nashville, Indiana is where I am right now and this is part of my sister and brother-in-law's  backyard.  I'm relaxing with my feet up and feeling pretty good right now.  This is my "rest stop" on my way to France.  

On Tuesday Carolyn and I leave for Toulouse, France where our other sister, Nancy lives--an all-girl trip!  Too good to pass up.  When I first contemplated going (in June) I wasn't sure I would be able to actually do it.  I hadn't started physical therapy yet and didn't know for sure how far along on my healing progress I would be by September.  I made the commitment "hoping" that I would be able to make the trip.  My husband also encouraged me.  He knew how much this would mean to me and has helped make it a reality.

Soon the itinerary was set and I had to put my money where my mouth was.  I was going to France!   But as the date got closer I began to worry.  Would I be able to walk as much as I needed to?  Would I even be able to walk at all?  What if I needed surgery again and wouldn't be able to go at all? 

When I finally started physical therapy (in July) one of the first things I told my therapist was that I was planning a trip to France in September and I wanted to be able to walk without pain by then.  Her response caught me off guard in two ways.  First, she told me that it was entirely possible that I would make it and she told me that she was going to France in September as well!  So, as my physical therapy progressed we talked not just about my physical condition but about our France plans as well.  She and her mother were going to Paris and I was going to Toulouse with my two sisters.  I was determined to do well in therapy so I could see my plans come to fruition.

So here I am on the cusp of this long awaited trip.  I am excited but have some concerns.  I saw my orthopedic surgeon last week and expressed a concern about the pain I was still having in my hip.  He was a bit concerned about it because it is possibly related to some slow healing of the hip fracture.  That was NOT good news and I immediately said, "No more surgery!"  He wasn't really recommending that I have surgery immediately but threw it out as a possibility for the future.  A last resort if you ask me and I won't do that unless it is absolutely, positively necessary.  In fact, let's not speak of it again.

As I start this trip I hope to have much to write about.  There will be new sights and adventures and hopefully new insights about many things.   My next entry will be from France!

One Year Anniversary

It is time for a celebration, kind of ...

September 5, 2012 marks the 1-year anniversary of "Deb's Great Fall". While on the surface it may seem that it's an anniversary that should be ignored, I know that I have found some really great things along the way.

With every bad thing that happens to you, there's always a treasure waiting to be found.

        It may be hiding but it's there.                           

That's my motto--I've learned it the hard way--by experience, perseverance and survival.  If I didn't have this attitude I would give up.  Going on a treasure hunt to find something, anything that is positive in a bad situation is a challenge. It comes with experience because you have to have some history to hold up to the light and see where you've been and where you are. It takes perseverance because it is often hiding underneath pain, depression, hopelessness and confusion. It literally can be a fight for survival because if you give in to the pain and suffering you may just curl up and die.  It could take months or even years to find it but the treasures are there, Just like the guy at Men's Wearhouse says:

"I guarantee it"

Following these guidelines can help you 

find your shining jewels!!!

1. "Could it be? Yes it could!  Something's coming, something good":   Having this attitude, just like the guys in West Side Story is vital.  (I'm not saying that a "rumble" is the best way to find goodness, but the analogy fits!)  Somewhere in your brain, tuck in this little phrase.  It will pop up at the strangest times and give a ray of encouragement.

2.  "Where two or three are gathered": When you're at rock bottom, often the last thing you can do is pray for yourself.  I've been there.  Faith isn't always the first thing on your mind.  It can seem like God has completely left you to face the trauma on your own.  Whether you believe that it will help or not, ask people to pray for you.  These are the times where others can step in for you.  This is something anyone can do for you.  Probably you won't even have to ask, they'll be praying before you know you need it.

3. Listen and Obey: Those are a couple of verbs that I don't really do very well.  It's hard for a person who talks all the time and occasionally tries to tell people what to do (not me, of course) to shut up and listen to good advice.  By doing this you are freeing up a whole lot of stress and anger that could build up if you try to go it alone.  During a crisis your judgment is clouded by medication, unrealistic expectations and denial.  In order to continue healing in a positive way you really do need to  let others tell you what to do for a while.  Believe me, in the long run it's better for you and gets you brownie points with your caregivers!

4.  "Hey! You've got to hide your love away!": NOT! As much as I love the Beatles, I can't agree with this attitude:

How can I even try
I can never win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in

You have to let others in.  I know--I've tried it both ways.  Nine years ago after my 3 back surgery marathon I went home and hid for 8 years.  I almost pushed all my friends away except for a few who wouldn't allow me to sit home and wallow.  I thought I had nothing to give; I thought they were "pitying me" and I couldn't stand that.  When I finally "came out" I realized what a mistake that had been and how I had denied myself many pleasures.  I did receive some treasures but I hadn't gone looking for them.  I just thought they were a "coincidence".

This time  I was determined from the beginning to not let that happen again; to allow people in to help.  In a huge sense they were part of my treasure.  The hope and encouragement they gave me helped me keep a positive attitude and I found a chest full of treasures along the way.

 5.  Keep Looking for Gold!  These occurrences are life changing--forever after.  No matter what the outcome, what has happened to you will affect your life for the rest of your life.  You can't stay the same person.  Unfortunately some of the bad stuff may remain in PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and will pop up at the strangest times.  The good news is is does lessen as time goes on.  For many months I re-created my fall several times a day in my head.  At first I would audibly cry out and visibly wince when I thought of it.  I still can't sit on our backyard without looking at the place on the roof where I launched my flight.  But, I'm at the point now where I can process it without cringing.  I can objectively think about "if it happens again"--please, God, NO--what I could do to avoid disaster. 

The treasure hunt for good continues long after the event.  As your memory starts to let in things that happened during this time you will be able to objectively assess things that happened and see how they fit together towards new insights, new relationships, and a renewed sense of hope.

So, as I look back on this year, I want to share some of the treasures I have found--so far!

1. New friends: the neighbors who found me after hearing me call for help are now special friends.  Many other people who heard about what happened have talked to me about it.  Friends of friends are now my friends, too.  People who I thought never noticed me have come up to me to ask how I am and tell me they have been praying for me.

2.  My husband didn't kill me when he found out what I did-- Remember what I said about distorted thinking?? As I lay there on my patio, one of my biggest concerns was how Dave would take the news. I was afraid he would kill me (not literally, but I thought at least that he would be really mad at me and never trust me again) because this was something I really should not have been doing.  It was against both our better judgments.  It DID prompt many discussions on home safety and my obligation to both of us to be more careful. Trust is a dangerous thing to mess with.  He made many sacrifices for me and gave me very loving and tender care.

3.  I learned to SLOW DOWN!  I had to and I still do.  I was the queen of multi-tasking and hurried through almost everything I did.  Being forced to slow down was a gift and as I'm healing, I still have to remind myself that accidents are more likely to happen when I'm in a hurry.

4.  Stronger ties with my family.  Seeing the concern and caring of my children warmed my heart.  Their many kind acts made me feel very loved.  This goes for my husband, too.  This really impacted his life in many ways but now our love is even stronger and more patient.  I also had much more communication with my mom and sisters during this time which was so good.  I now talk with them more often, and sometimes not even about my health!  I even communicated more with the extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins of both Dave and myself) which is such a blessing.

5.  Stronger ties with friends.  My friends ministered to me in so many ways and on so many occasions.  I now have several people who I feel comfortable with sharing ANYTHING because they saw me at my very worst, my most vulnerable and still loved me.

6.  Some of the most precious treasures were in the form of live-in caregivers.  For one week each, my very close friend from high school who lives in the Bay Area and my sister who lives in Indiana stayed at our house and took over the care and feeding of the resident invalid.  Those weeks are never going to be forgotten by me or Dave.  I have grown so much closer to my friend and my sister.  I feel like I have gained two very wonderful more-than-friends.

I know there are more treasures.  In fact, my treasure chest is full and overflowing. While I would never fall off a roof just to get these treasures and blessings, I am so thankful for them and look forward to uncovering more as time goes on!

BLOG ENTRY DATE: JUNE 30, 2012

What you are looking at is a healed hip!  Toward the bottom on the right side is a lump of new bone growth that is finally holding everything together.  The majority of the bone re-growth is DONE!  There are a few little areas that may fill in a bit, but the leg and hardware are sticking tight and aren't going anywhere.  The rod and screw are now a permanent part of my anatomy.  We are going to be lifelong friends--and I do hope we remain friends!

I will start out-patient PT in about 10 days.  I still need to strengthen muscles and be able to walk upstairs so there's a bit more work to do.  It doesn't sound like a problem to me!  With all the work I've put in to this point, a bit more is just fine.

I've been thinking a lot about this long ordeal.  In a few days it will be 10 months since I fell.  By the time PT is done I will have my 1-year anniversary.  It's been a very long 10 months.  These injuries and all that goes with them have been just about the only thing in my life for this whole time.  As I get well and gradually start feeling more normal again, it amazes me that I was able to endure some of the things.  The pain will always register as the top annoyance--well more than an annoyance but I can't think of the right words.  Being disabled in itself is not great but it's not the worst thing in the world.  It's very inconvenient but almost always adjustments can be made so one can live their life and do many of the things that they want to do.  I saw my father-in-law, Al Friesen make adjustments to his disability constantly over the 30+ years I knew him, but he still found a way to enjoy life.  Every new activity is a challenge to figure out.  I am so fortunate to have only a disable leg to deal with.

You CAN Go Home Again!

You're looking at a picture of some of the most beautiful 1971 graduates of Eureka High School.  We're older than we were in 1971, obviously, but we are women who are so much more settled and mature and experienced than we were "back in the day".  We're more of who we were meant to be.  Each one of these old/new friends meant something to me in my childhood but we all were individuals and we all expressed ourselves differently as children/adolescents.  We weren't all "best friends" through that entire time,  but we all knew each other was there walking right beside us.  Maybe the most contact I had with some was a "Hi" as we passed in the halls, or maybe we shared lockers or classes or something that kept us in each others' mini-worlds.  We all knew each others' siblings,  most of the parents and where everyone lived.  In a small town it's not hard.  It's like a big, extended family.  I learned the hard way about how if you are doing something that your parents may not like, you better be prepared because they likely will  know about it before you get home!

The beauties in the picture are: First row from left: Lynn, Sandy, Carol, Chris

Second row: Barb, Judy, Nancy, Trish

Third row: Chris, Madelyn, Donna, Dee, Rose, Linda, Moi

Not pictured: Karen

Photographer: Halsie

Last Wednesday, June 7 we all met at the home of Linda, back row to the right of me, and spent a few hours re-acquainting ourselves with each other.  With sixteen in attendance, this took some time.  As I looked around the room we all just kind of rotated from one small group to another eager to see pictures and find out more about our friends' lives.  As we went around the table giving thumbnail sketches of what we've been doing during the past 40 years some common denominators stood out.  We were all married and had spent a good portion of the time raising children, some more than others.  I think the "Grandchildren Prize" went to two of us: Rosemary and Trish with 15 and 16!!  The losers were a few of us with 0, but hopeful for more.  

Another commentary on the times we live in was how much the word "stress" came up in each person's biography.  There's so much of it around and it became obvious that it is an equal opportunity attacker: some got stress from jobs, others from their children or other family members, others had medical issues or family with medical needs. We all seemed to be involved (past or present) with our aging parents' lives whether directly caring for them or making sure they were being cared for.  This is an area of stress but also a time where we feel blessed to be of service to them for once. 

We bragged on our kids and grand-kids and husbands.  We laughed about forgotten high school pranks.  We were saddened by some of our high school issues that have come along with us.  But mainly we laughed at ourselves then and now.  We watched a You-Tube presentation of people just like us (now) doing calisthenics to the "Chicken Fat" song.  I sat there with a blank expression on my face because I really had totally blocked out the fact that our P.E. teacher, Miss Jenkins had insisted we do exercises to that song every P.E. day.  How could I forget?  I'm still trying to figure that one out because everyone else was in stitches as they sang along to the song.  I was probably in the very back row trying to do as little as possible.  For that and other reasons I often got a "D" in P.E. but I really didn't care.  We laughed at teachers past and wondered how we ever made it out.  Some of us (me for instance) graduated in spite of putting a priority on having fun instead of making good grades.  I still wish I had paid more attention but at least I did have a good time.

The most amazing thing to me is how very different we are in our lives now.  We have varying sizes of families, different religions, vastly different professions or vocations, and life experiences that have taken us all over the place physically and emotionally.  In spite of this I felt so much love that afternoon.  We truly came together that day as women who loved each other and our shared past.  There really is nothing like being in a room where there is so much commonality.  It's also amazing at how much we remember when we all get together like that.  It's also interesting how even though we were all at the same school at the same time, we each have a unique story. 

"I was so shy."

"I was loud to cover up my lack of self-confidence."

"I was just trying to make it without being noticed." 

"I tried to be friends with everybody."

"I was scared."

I'm sure there were many unspoken stories, too.  Ones that we were too painful to share.  I had some so others probably did, too.  Stuff that I had  painfully worked out over the years, but that came up again when I was back in High School mode.  The good thing to know is that whatever ghosts we carry from that time can't hurt us anymore.  Now we know that we have reached the point where we can have such wonderful times of getting together.  I absolutely loved that day and could have stayed visiting with everyone for hours into the evening.  

I guess I have to make a disclaimer: This entire event would not have been possible without the assistance of Facebook.  As much as I hate giving social media THAT much power it it true.  It all started last summer when our 40th class reunion was being planned.  An FB event page was set up so we could all RSVP and get re-acquainted ahead of time.  I had never been too excited about reunions because (Confession Time) I would usually say "hello" to most everyone and then sit at a table with my "best buds" from school and never seek anyone else out.  I don't know why I did this.  I hope it's not because I was a snob or something like that.  I think part of it was that I just didn't know what to say to people that I hadn't been close to in high school.  I'm not proud of that but there it is.  For whatever reason, that's what reunions had come to mean to me and they never got me very excited, even though I attended a few.  For whatever reason, this year Dave and I decided to attend out 40th Reunions--his  in Kansas and mine in Illinois. I anxiously went to the FB page and saw several "old" friends there and even though they hadn't been my "best buds" in HS, they were so nice and seemed to be excited that I was coming.  I was so touched by their openness and caring that I immediately had several new reasons to attend the reunion.  Becoming re-acquainted with Carol and Linda whom I have known since before Kindergarten made me so happy!  I told people about this and how happy it made me feel.  I wasn't even sure they still knew me and now I had some new friends!!  Donna, Lynn, Chris, Dee -- I hate to start naming names because I seem to be more forgetful these days--hmmm...but suffice it to say, I have been abundantly blessed since the day I rediscovered all of you!  It has enriched my life tremendously.

 About three weeks before the EHS Reunion, after the plane tickets had been purchased, I had an accident at  home that really clipped my wings.  The trip had to be postponed indefinitely.  What I had gained, though was this whole new group of friends who helped see me through the grueling months of pain and recovery.  I'd hear encouraging words from all over the place just when I needed them.  Through this time I also became acquainted with my BFF's Kate and Nancy.  We helped each other through school with a friendship that has stood the test of time and have recently picked up exactly where we left off.

So, before I start to cry, I just want to say thank you to Carol and Linda for instigating this mini-reunion.  It ALMOST made my journey of the past 9+ months worth it!  I hope we all stay in touch.  To the amazing women in the picture I also want to thank you for being my friend then and now.  You are each very important to me and I hope we meet again and again!

Love The One You're With

 Remember how the song goes?

If you can't be 

with the one you love, honey,

love the one you're with. 

I remember hearing this song on the car radio one lonely New Year's Day as I was driving around aimlessly with a teen-aged broken heart because the "one I loved" wasn't with me any longer.  I would have been glad to "love the one I was with" but at that place and time there was no one waiting in the wings.  The true "one I'm with" came along a couple years later and I've loved him for over 40 years now, having forgotten long ago about the one who didn't love me.

Eight years ago I had three back surgeries within six weeks.  As a result, I was left with permanent nerve damage in my right leg and foot.  This left my foot with foot-drop, some of my toes kind of "droopy", leg and foot pain and a weak leg that required me to use a cane for mobility.  I was embarrassed about this and referred to that leg as my "naughty leg" or "bad leg".  I used my cane only when absolutely necessary because I felt very elderly when I used it. 

Fast forward to 2011 and my infamous Humptey Dumptey act off of our roof.  The fall and subsequent surgeries left me with two scars on my left leg and six scars on my right leg--the naughty leg had just become a felon with its third strike.  I often wanted to just lock up the leg and forget about it.  It gave me nothing but pain and embarrassment.  Because of it I had to use a walker and a wheelchair. I hate being handicapped.  I know now the way "different" people feel--disabled people stand out of a crowd and sometimes they would rather just blend in and not be noticed at all.  Sometimes, as my family was pushing my wheelchair through a crowd I would close my eyes so I wouldn't have to see the people look at me with either scorn or pity.  Because of that leg I am losing months out of my life while recovering from the various injuries.  I long for the days when I can clean my house without dragging some kind of mobility aid around with me.  I curse the leg as it spasms once again as I'm trying to sleep.  When someone asks me what they can do for me I often reply, "Get me a new leg."  Everyone laughs but I quietly fantasize about how amazing that would be.

These thoughts came to me because of a conversation I had during a healing prayer session at my church.  One of the pray-ers told a personal story about her experience with an extremity wasn't working due to nerve damage.  She, too resented that arm that was practically useless to her.  The healing period would be long with no guarantees of full recovery and the pain was almost unbearable. In spite of that, she decided to intentionally love that arm and begin to think of it as a wonderful part of her body.  She got through that time and, miraculously her arm was completely healed, but deciding to love her arm just the way it was most likely contributed to the early recovery.  It was a mental exercise and a time of faith in God that whatever happened she would accept the results.  

I listened and immediately dismissed it as a silly idea, but as she continued to talk, it started to relate to my situation.  I began to feel remorse for all the bad feelings I had about my own leg!  How nuts it is to hate a part of one's own body!  I believe in holistic medicine and stress the importance of considering all areas of the body when treating for a disease or illness.  The body is a unit, like a family, that has separate parts that all work together to create the whole person.  Hey!  It's even biblical--it teaches us about how we are all part of the church and each have equal contributions that make things work properly.

So, how in the world does one practice loving a body part that isn't cooperating?  I started by acknowledging that my poor legs are suffering through no fault of their own,  I guess the body part most to blame would be my brain that wasn't firing on all pistons that day--there I go again!  Now I have to work on loving my brain--that may be harder than loving my leg.  My husband has often offered to massage my leg when I'm hurting and he's helped me treat my scars with lotion.  So now he's kicking off our new love campaign by telling my leg that he loves it.  This sounds corny, but today as he was getting ready to leave for work he kissed my longest scar and whispered, "I love you" to it.  As he did that I felt a little embarrassed but then felt very blessed to have him in my life.  If he can accept my deformities and disabilities then I certainly can!

So, going back to the beginning where I made reference to the song,  Love the One You're With, I can apply that concept to my leg.  I can't have a perfectly un-deformed leg again.  The scars and deformities will always be with me.  I can't completely replace the leg with an identical one (at least not now in 2012--maybe one day...)  I don't want an artificial leg because that would come with its own set of problems.  So I'm left with loving the leg I'm with, or rather the leg that's with me.  It's been a part of me for over 58 years.  It's the one that was formed within my momma and it carries my DNA that make me, me!  My perfect little leg that I was born with now holds part of my history and it's a part of me just like my arms with their old age spots or my head that doesn't always work right or my poor aching back.  I love them all!